Spoken For

I have always associated this phrase "spoken for" with my relationship with God. My heart is spoken for. Above all else my soul is spoken for. This relationship is the one constant in my life.

Anyways that is not the point of this post. This phrase "spoken for" got me thinking about relationships. Am I spoken for? What does it mean to be spoken for in a relationship setting? What does it look like?

To be spoken for implies the relinquishing of a very personal thing. The act of speaking for yourself. It also implies implicit trust where you expect that when someone "speaks" for you, they will not violate that trust. That they will respect you and whatever you stand for. You would also expect that whatever they say or portray out there is a representation of a unit.

Sadly this is not the case. So when I think of someone coming up to me and me saying "I am spoken for" I'm like hoooooold on one second. Am I really spoken for? The institution of marriage implies that two become one and therefore whatever one person represents is generally a representation of the other. I think in the old days there was a subtle undertone of women generally subduing to their husbands and so when a woman said she was spoken for it literally meant that whatever the husband said was how things were.

That whole theory scares me. It makes the choice of who you marry even more complicated. When you stand somewhere and say "I am spoken for" you want to be 100% confident that you are spoken for in the absolute best way possible. Can you imagine a fool speaking for you? I do not mean to sound mean but can you imagine someone saying something or acting a certain way and everyone looking at you like, "are you with him/her?"

I guess the point of this post is to make us all pause and think about who we are and the people we are with. Can we honestly say that we are comfortable being spoken for by them? I hope that when its all said and done the person we end up with we can proudly say that when they speak or act they represent us. That we don't have to worry about them or what they do because we are confident they present the best front.

How would you know that you are spoken for in the best way possible?

  • One you don't have to worry about the words coming out of their mouth. You don't need PR for them because they speak intelligently and carefully with an awareness of where they are.
  • Second their actions are not embarrassing for you. They always act in a mindful and conscious way of your presence or non-presence.
  • You have an unspoken understanding. When you have to always check in and clarify things then you know that a person should not speak for you.
  • You respect them. If you don't respect someone truly and fully respect them then they should never speak for you, ever.
  • You don't feel a need to change them. If you wan't to change someone then they should not speak for you. How can someone who represents you be someone you want to change.
  • Lastly don't let anyone fool you. When Tina Turner sung, "What's Love Got to Do with it" she was on to something. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be with them. Being with someone implies that they speak for you so if you love someone who doesn't bring out the best in you and your relationship then maybe you need to revaluate.
Are you spoken for in the best way possible? When someone stands for you, are you proud to claim them? I love the idea of someone claiming me, that whole vibe of "she is spoken for" sounds wonderful. But I err on the side of caution. I do not want to relinquish this right to just anyone and you shouldn't either.

Have a lovely day.

Listening is loving...

1 comment:

  1. Nice read, food for thought, I am spoken for:)