Be The Person, The Person You Are Looking For, Is Looking For

Be the person, the person you are looking for, is looking for.

Andy Stanley has often said this to singles and boy is it true. You cant be looking for a king while you act or behave like common folk so to speak. If you are looking for a generous, kind, spiritual, intelligent, mature person you can't be less than those things. You must meet the expectations that you impose on a potential suitor.

Bokehlicious at Nell’s Park by 55Lanley69

This then brings us to the question of whether or not you are ready for the person you are looking for. Often we have lists of the qualities of the people we want in our lives and often the qualities are set a bar so high that we ourselves don't even meet them. So how do you know you are ready for the person you are looking for.

Here is a list of six fundamental things that you can use to assess yourself:
  1. You are mature. How do you know you are mature? It's certainly not just a matter of saying 'I am mature' and therefore you are mature. It's a growth process that makes you more aware of yourself and what your values are. It's a sense of self awareness and independence where in certain aspects you have earned your stripes through life experiences. You know yourself and what you bring in the relationship.
  2. You respect people even when you don't understand them. Through life we encounter people and situations that we don't understand, however when you can listen and respect another person's opinions that are different from your own then you are ready to be in a relationship. Respect is a two way street and when you don't know how to respect people you are not intimately connected to, it will be harder to respect someone where the boundaries are less defined because of the nature of the relationship.
  3. You are patient. Patience really is a sign of maturity. Patience with yourself when you don't meet expectations you set for yourself. Patience with others as they go through their own growth process. Patience is really a strong foundation for any healthy relationship. It bridges the gap where you support your partner through various situations in life.
  4. You value yourself. This is such an important attribute that is often played down because it sounds like something your therapist would tell you. However you have to really check in with yourself and know your worth. It's important for us to value ourselves so that we don't let others define our value. When you meet a potential suitor they will immediately see your self-confidence which is such an attractive quality. People who need constant assurance can get tiresome.
  5. You have an idea of what your future looks like. Now I don't mean that you necessarily need to have a five year plan but you need to know what you want. Children, marriage, buying a home, big things like that are important to consider before you get into a relationship. That way you are all on the same page before you get in too deep.
  6. You have reconciled with your past. Baggage in any relationship sucks. It drains the relationship. So take the time you need to deal with things that are currently in your life and with things that have happened in the past. Clear out the clutter and make space for some new experiences. Essentially you need a clean slate.
I hope that as we grow in this year (can you believe it's almost May yikes) we can allow ourselves to change for the better. To become the best versions of ourselves.

Listening is loving....

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