When You Know, You Know

When you know, you know.

Have you ever heard someone say that, specifically about finding the person they will settle down with? They talk about it with some sense of euphoria like all the puzzles fit. I get jealous of people like that because it seems like some cosmic power is favoring them over the rest of us mere mortals.

lilac by Matthias Rhomberg



So how do you know that you have met the one even when you weren't looking? I asked around and these were the answers I got.

  1. You are in sync. I was like what does this even mean! The answer that I got was that you have a sense of contentment you didn't have before. Like you had been searching for something and you found it even when you weren't aware that you had been looking. 
  2. You feel like a priority. This person puts you first. Your voice is heard. This sounds like a trivial thing but it's really important for someone to listen and to act. I have seen people in relationships where they had issues with something but their partners always acted like they weren't important enough to deal with when the issue was obviously the elephant in the room.
  3. They immediately recognize you and the role you play in their lives. A friend of mine told me that her hubby when they started dating treated her like she was already his wife. There weren't ifs and buts, he just knew what he wanted and where they were headed and he treated her as such.
  4. They bring out the best in you. Whether its complementing each other in a way that brings out the best in the other person or just motivating each other to be better, when people find 'the one' they said that they felt challenged to be better versions of themselves. Now I don't mean they try to change you but rather they elevate your best qualities.
  5. They make the risks worthwhile. Now we all know there are people that are not worth risking a whole lot for. You instinctively know that the risk won't pay out. Imagine moving your whole life for someone. That takes guts. However most people said that they would go wherever their person was. They would forget their past experiences and forge on. 
  6. There is a fundamental agreement on the things that are important to the both of you. This goes with point 1 ofcourse. To be in sync is an amazing thing. To understand one another in a way that others don't. I read a quote the other day about dating a man who talks to God about you. Faith is important to me so having someone who values it as much as I do would be like a neon sign that I was on to something.
  7. Things that seemed so important before just aren't anymore. One friend of mine said she had a list of qualities that she was looking for. When she met her hubby that list was quickly thrown in the trash pile. She just knew her lists did not matter anymore she had found someone who checked off boxes she didn't even know she had.
A few years ago I remember being out somewhere on a date and I felt this sense of loss to my core. It stunned me and I never spoke about it to anyone but it was a feeling of being in the perfect place with the wrong person. I remember feeling lost and I never want to feel that way again. I couldn't imagine being married to the wrong person and experiencing this sense of not belonging everyday. 

Life is certainly for the living so let's not give up the possibility of something great because as much when you know you know, you certainly know when it's not the one.

Listening is loving....

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