Forgiving

So yesterday while I was writing about saying sorry more often it occurred to me that with apologizing comes forgiveness. That's another difficult thing to do (it seems like lately there have been many difficulties : )). To forgive means letting go of your anger and entitlement. As much as saying sorry is hard I think accepting an apology is just as hard.




Forgiveness comes with expectations. I'm sure you have heard people say forgive and forget. I'm like what??? Forget! No sir. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Forgiving a person is certainly important, it helps to mend the hurt. Letting go of that thing that burdens your spirit is so important for your well being. Forgiving I think is the easy part, forgetting is much harder. Maya Angelou wrote that 'You may forget what a person said or did but you don't forget how they made you feel'. There are scars that don't heal just because you forgive but at least you don't have to deal with the burden of feeling angry at someone all the time.

Forgiving someone also means that this person expects that things will either go smoothly going forward or they will go back to being what they were before. Isn't that such a lie though, especially when whatever was done is a big deal. Things never go back to being the same. That's why I think forgiving someone is so hard. Once the apology is given the ball is shifted to your court and you have to either accept the olive branch or throw the apology back in their face. It's like you wronged me!!! Why do I have to sacrifice even more right?

Being angry at someone is so much easier sometimes isn't it. I often feel that when someone has done me wrong I am better than them. So forgiving them makes it harder because now I have to let go of my little power trip blurgh! I want to hold on to my superiority complex for a little longer because I can watch them grovel as they try to make amends.

However even with all these situations I have also found that forgiving does make life easier. I am not an advocate for forgetting especially the big things because you have to remember that if someone can be okay with causing you so much hurt then it says a lot about how much value they place on you.  Think about it. If someone can do something that they know will be a betrayal of your trust and that will harm the very essence of you, you have to be cautious and weary of them. It doesn't mean you keep bringing up what they did all the time, it just means you forgive them because it's in your best interest but you also have to protect yourself.

Friends yesterday I urged you to reach out to the people you need to say sorry to, today I urge you to forgive. It doesn't mean that what they did just goes away it just means you are letting it go and just seeing them for the human beings they are. Sometimes all it takes is some perspective to be able to accept that the other person is by no means perfect and that one day you will also need some forgiving.

Listening is loving...

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