If Your Relationship Is A Secret, You Shouldn't Be In It

I read somewhere that if a relationship has to be a secret then you shouldn't be in it. It doesn't matter who you are, which point of your life you are in (transitioning from one relationship to another), whether you are young or old whatever..... if you are in a secret relationship you need to get out of it!




Some of you may read this and disregard it but before you click out remember that life is interesting. You find yourself in situations you could never have predicted in a million years. You may be single dating someone who is married. He/she insists that they will end their marriage for you. BUT child they have been ending that marriage for as long as you have been in that relationship. Newsflash that situation is not about to change. You are in an illegitimate relationship and you will always be the third wheel.

You may be with someone who is not married but they are in a 'complicated' relationship. Isn't that such a cop out? Come on, uncomplicate it already! It's really that simple, they could leave the complication and come and be with you the uncomplicated one : ). Alas but they do not. What you probably haven't realized is that you are not worth the effort and the fall back it would take for them to be with you in the open so you remain the secret.

These are just a few situations where people find themselves in secret relationships. The people you are in these 'illegitimate' relationships with are probably really nice people and that's why you stay with them because they make you feel good. But these people are the worst of the worst. They steal from you. They steal your best years, your most valuable time and they steal the best parts of you. They keep you on a leash like a dog. You always come back for more hoping that one day you can have it all not realizing that it is never going to happen.

A relationship should never be a secret. If someone is with you then they should really be with you in every aspect of their life. They should be out there on the streets with you. You should go to company parties with them, you should be at church with them, you should be at parties with them getting introduced as the significant other. Friends you should be introduced to their family because you are an important part of their lives.

Some of you will argue that the relationship is about the two of you and you don't need to be validated in public to be whole. I want to call you out on your BS (excuse the language) because that's really what it is. No one has secret events when they are handing out awards. Why? Because people want the recognition. We do not live in an era where concubines are acceptable. Where you are expected to be faceless and voiceless. You should always be represented and spoken for proudly. If not then get out of that relationship because you are getting the short end of the stick.

You want to be the main squeeze in every sense of the word. You want to be the one that gets introduced as the girlfriend, wife, husband etc You want to be the one. So get out of that toxic relationship and find the one who wants to put you first. Stop settling for dirty seconds and convincing yourself it is enough. The joy you get from being the one person that fulfills the expectations of another person singularly, you will never experience as long as you are the secret mistress.

Yes I called it. If you are the one that needs to stay hidden, you are a mistress. If you only get a few hours a week with that person and they are usually rushed, impromptu and they leave you feeling like something is missing then you are probably a booty call. Run my friend run and go find someone who will put you first.

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