Reasons Why People Cheat

Why do people cheat? Are they looking for something that's missing in their relationships or are they just greedy. You've seen people who have great partners but they still cheat. Why? Like seriously is it a predisposition that people have and they just can't help themselves? This is not a rhetorical question for you cheaters : ). I hope you can sense the sarcasm in that question.



If you ask many people who cheat why they would put their partners through that kind of betrayal they always say it wasn't about the spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. Then what was it about?!!! (Shout it out with me.) They say it was something the other person was giving them that they couldn't get anywhere else. That makes me so angry. If you choose to be with someone they should be enough unless you are just one selfish person. If the shoe were in the other foot I would want to see how they would deal with 'not being enough' especially men OOH that would be a toughie.

For some people its a temporary itch that they need to scratch and then like a stray dog they go back home to their 'kings and queens' with none the wiser. For some it's like a disease. It's an addiction. That need for the chase. It de-prioritizes everything else in their lives and they are willing to do whatever it takes to maintain their illegitimate relationship as long as they don't get caught. I say illegitimate because as long as the person you are with recognizes another person publicly as the person they are in relationship with then you are the secret they need to hide. Therefore you are the one they are cheating with (insert evil eyes here : )).
So why do people cheat when they've got a good thing at home?

They are bored. It's that simple. Sometimes I think people cheat by accident. Now I don't mean you choose to respond to someone knowing very well you are with another person by accident. I mean that you meet someone you were not planning to meet and there is some chemistry that you should flee from. But your curiosity gets the better of you and because you have been with the same person for so long the rush of something new overpowers you. I call these people 'deer caught in the headlights cheaters'.

They are looking for affection and attention. Sometimes especially in a marriage everybody gets caught up in the motions. You are raising your kids, trying to pay off a mortgage etc You are so busy you don't pay attention to the most important person in your life. Then they meet someone who sends them messages every hour on the hour, calling them to check up on them and basically doing things you as the partner should be doing. This person usurps your position and before they know it you are cheating. I call them 'neglected cheaters'.

They are getting something that their partner isn't providing. This is similar to number 2 above but different in the sense that this person wants the best of both worlds. They want to have their cake and eat it. They probably actually went out and looked for this person knowing they were already with someone. They care about both the people they are with and if asked to choose they would be in a bind. I call them 'gluttonous cheaters'.

They are selfish. This is the worst kind because they just don't care. They have probably cheated multiple times and gotten away with it or have been caught and forgiven multiple times. They know they hold the power in the relationship so they use it. I don't mean physical power but we all know the people we are with and we know how much we can get away with. So for these cheaters the word faithful does not exist in their vocabulary. I call them 'philanders'.

They are stuck. This is one is sad. Sometimes you find yourself in a relationship you cannot get out of because of the responsibilities that you have together. You may have children who are so young that the thought of going it alone is just too much. You may have financial ties that make it so hard to extricate yourself from the relationship. You may also take your vows seriously so you stay but it leads you to cheat. You rationalize that just because you have to stay with the person you are with doesn't mean you cannot be happy. I call them 'buying time cheaters'. The minute they can get out they will.

They are idiots. I say this in the kindest way. But seriously if you are with someone and it is a serious relationship you have to protect that relationship. If you are a married woman for example you shouldn't be having lunch with a single/married man alone at work everyday. That is just dangerous, you are setting yourself up. You will find yourself confiding things about your marriage that you shouldn't. You will not even realize when you cross that line. Imagine your husband having lunch with this other lady everyday, taking breaks together essentially spending more time with them than they do with you at least awake. Soon you find yourself talking outside of the work environment and comparing your partner to this person you spend so much time with and whose opinion you have come to value more than your partners. Before you know it you are cheating finding excuses to stay late have a drink etc I call them 'idiot'.

They think the grass is greener. I'll tell you now it often isn't. If you think you can get better than you have going on please leave the one you are with in peace and don't cheat just go. Why put them through the ringer when you already know they are not enough for you? Some people have been with their partners for a long time and one day they see something that makes them think there could be something better out there. When you know someone well there is an intimacy that cannot be replicated. Stick it out. But for those who give in to their urges they usually end up disappointed. I call them 'wide eyed cheaters'.

Listening is loving...


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