It is not always about you

It is not always about you. Say that out loud. Sometimes you have to take yourself out of situation for you to have clarity.

Have you ever been in a huge fight and not really understood how it even started and the more you think about it, you realize how trivial the issue is. You feel like an idiot but then you can't backtrack because you are knee deep in a mess that you created. You know it would have been avoidable if you had just taken a step back to put the issue in perspective because sometimes whatever the other person is going through has nothing to do with you. It doesn't matter that it is your husband, your best friend or whatever, it is just not about you.

There are so many confrontations, situations of misplaced anger and feelings of contempt that could be avoided if you just took your ever so important self out of the picture. I've had situations where I felt ignored or slighted because I misinterpreted someones actions - come to find out they weren't even aware that they were 'ignoring' me because they weren't. They were going on about their business and I'm seating there feeling dejected and put out. It's like being angry at someone who isn't aware that you are mad at them. It doesn't affect them just you. It takes so much energy to stay mad at someone doesn't it.

The frequency of my negative feelings has decreased. Now it's not all rainbows and butterflies here because I'm human and I find myself in situations that get me so angry or hurt that shouldn't. I have learnt slowly and progressively to take a step back. Picture being at a big party and the host doesn't say hi to you or you see someone you haven't seen in a long time and they don't greet you with the exuberance that you expected. Immediately your claws come out and you get so angry at them. How dare they not say hi to me? Your little heart shouts "Do they know who I am?"

So now instead of going all gang-ho I take a step back in my mind at least and I ask myself what is this about? Does it really have to affect me this way? Is this person ignoring me or are they just minding their own business? And what if they are ignoring me, then what. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter. See if they are ignoring me then its about them, it has nothing to do with me. If they are really not aware of me, it's the same result. It has nothing to do with me. So keep it moving.

As for situations that are little closer to the heart, my boyfriend for example can get really busy and sometimes I feel like I have been put in the back burner. I get irritable and I start using words like 'priority' in the relationship. This little statement 'It's not about me' has literally moved mountains for me. Why or how you ask. Because now I look at things with more clarity. If he has to finish a project by a certain deadline nagging him or picking a fight won't help the situation. If he wants to watch a re-run of Star Wars for the 100th TIME!!!! (this has taken grace my friends) I let him be. It's not about me, that's his thing. He needs to be just like I need to be. His preferences, choices, decisions etc will not always be about me. And that's okay.

So after this long spiel my point is: learn to recognize the fights that you need to seat out, learn to let things go and learn to take yourself out of the situation. As important and wonderful as you are it's not always about you.

Listening is loving....

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